This One’s For You, Sweet Lorna
Oh dear, 12 year old Lorna. The things I have to say. The many adventures and the roller coaster of life awaits you. The people you will meet, the places you’ll go and the things the Lord will do in your life await. Oh, but the journey is long. The price to pay is steep and your cross to bear is heavy on this adventure.
You are 21 now, yes! You made it! How? Sometimes I really don’t know, other than the grace of God.
You’ll still be tall, awkward and gangly. Your voice will still crack and you will still be intimidated by the world.
You’ll think you have life figured out after your first year of college but a handsome, God-fearing, tall (yes you heard me! He’s tall, cute AND loves Jesus!) man will come and make your heart swoon. He’ll get get down on one knee and ask you to marry him. You’ll excitedly say yes, terrified of the unknowns that are to come and to be answered. You have no idea what you’re doing as you plan this thing called a “wedding” and literally find yourself living on a prayer.
Your first year of marriage will be the hardest year of your life thus far. Yes, harder than when mom and dad split up and harder than when you left your little sister at home to go to a college far away.
You will find yourself, at 21, still crying on the bathroom floor in a small pathetic ball, asking God to take you to heaven already. You don’t know why you’re here, what your “calling” is because you’ve had the rug of your “purpose” pulled out from underneath you. You will still struggle with those nasty, bitter angry emotions of why you are the way you are. You will still have those dreadful, horrible suicidal thoughts. You’ll ask God to show you a sign and yes, you’ll doubt if He’s even there. You’ll pull yourself up, exhausted and tired.
You’ll open the bathroom door, puffy eyed to not your mother and sister anymore. But a man who loves you deeply and a sweet, sweet puppy who adores you. They will comfort you while you cry and your husband will look into your eyes and tell you, “God will take you up there when He wants to. We don’t get to decide that” and your heart will be filled with the peace of Jesus. That peace you’ve yearned for for so long and you will finally have it again. You’ll wake up the next morning with your sweet husband on one side and your adorable puppy cuddling you on the other side and be able to say for the first time in forever, “I’ll be ok” and mean it.
You realize, that even though you’ve left God countless times, that He’s never left you and He’s relentless in the pursuit of your heart.
Oh the lessons you’ve learned. You’ve learned to separate the whites from the colors. You’ve learned to say no to people and not let them walk all over you and you’ve learned that it’s ok to not be ok.
You’ll learn that when a bathroom says “vacant” on the green button that it means NO one is in there and that you can use it.
You’ll learn there’s a difference between Assyria and Syria in Bible college and you’ll also learn that God gives us friends but He also takes them away.
You’ll learn there’s a difference between Assyria and Syria in Bible college and you’ll also learn that God gives us friends but He also takes them away.
You’ll learn about ministry and see that Jesus care more about the little things rather than the big things.
You’ll learn that people matter and before you judge them, to judge your own sin first. You’ll see that each person is loved wholly by the Lord and you’ll have a desire for them to know Him.
You’ll still have no idea what your “calling” is and that’s ok. That doesn’t matter as much as the Gospel. You’ll still bumble along in life and wander at times. But the Lord is your shepherd, dear Lorna. Please remember that. You are His beloved and He will never leave, or forsake you.
Oh dear, 12 year old Lorna.
